The intention is clear, I stare� with this left hand, unable to be worded
Every time I bleed, there lies the reason to live� And I discover words being so vivid and bright

Even loved ones scatter like petals from flowers in my hand
So even if I engraved the meaning that I lived in my hand, it will only be known as flowers of vanity

the final

One by one it multiplies� why be a sad bait?

Deep within the hell of my heart� I can�t go back
A self-tortured loser, not being able to see tomorrow
Suicide is the proof of life

Even loved ones scatter like petals from flowers in my hand
So even if I engraved the meaning that I lived in my hand, the petals will just scatter as flowers of vanity

So I can�t live
What�s lost can�t be born again

A song that�s not even seeking the proof of living
Let�s put an end� the final

Let�s blood flowers of attempted suicide...
________________________________________ ______________________________


Aghh... I don't know where I am... Demons licking their lips so seductively.. I want to join them... I've been cut off... From people. From Everything... Is there no room for the one who's been broken? I need to thank some people for... All of this pain.

Mother, who was always there to argue, and mend others. But never me.

Father, who put alchohol over his own son.

This is why I am the way I am. Never forgive, never forget. Cut the ties... I can't do this... I'm on the virge of tears. Or worse, laughter. I don't want to be a phantom, but nothing I do can bring her back...

Might be going to therapy soon... Hopefully so if insurance covers it. I really do need it. I don't like what is happening to me... I want my friend back, but even this won't work.

Don't even think she reads the journal anymore. Like it matters...

Wish I had something good to report to you guys... But I don't. And for quite a while, I won't.

P.S. (lucas dies, jane dies, david dies, sacul dies, Mr. Smiley dies, Lucien dies. No more reason to visit. Goodbye)